Horizon Zero Dawn

Apr 01

A Message from President Qwark

Copernicus Qwark's Avatar Posted by on Apr 01, 2011 // Galactic President

Greetings Citizens!

As I sit here in my presidential compound, sipping a grubsnucker daiquiri and watching reruns of Unicop (now available for purchase on my holo-net site), I can’t help but reminisce about my rise to Galactic President of the Polaris Galaxy. Sure, some might say I was a bit callous in my ascension, but homicidal planet thieves aside, I think the whole thing went off without a hitch. The galaxy is safe, unemployment is at an all-time low, and my approval rating has never been… well, the galaxy is safe.

This era of awesomeness does come with some bad news, I’m afraid. It was brought to my attention that Insomniac Games decided to name my upcoming adventure Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One. When my agent finally returned my call and informed me that I had once again been excluded from the title, I was enraged. Not for myself, mind you – after all, what am I if not humble? No, my fellow citizen, I was enraged for you. How many years have you waited with bated breath for Captain Qwark to get top billing? How many times have you thrown your arms into the sky and called out “When is it going to be Qwark’s time?!”

Enraged by this injustice, I took my plight directly to planet Earth. A hotshot Sony producer named Greg Phillips informed me (between sips of an energy drink I’m fairly certain would be classified as toxic in my galaxy) that he personally named the latest game after his favorite R&B group. Victory, it seemed, was beyond my vice-like grasp.

Desperate, I took my fight to Ted Price himself. The Earthians had clearly established this man as some kind of king, or shaman warrior. He shrewdly offered me a chance to change the title of the game – but only if I vanquished him in a cage match using crude weaponry carved from tools found in the Insomniac broom closet. After three rounds and a few surgical strikes using my broom sword, I vanquished my opponent. Pinned under the might of my biceps, Shaman Price agreed to let me change the name to a title befitting of a revered galactic champion like myself. So today, before all of you, I reveal the new name of our upcoming adventure:

Copernicus Qwark's Awesomely Epic 3D Adventure Through Time & Space for PS3

I think we can all agree this title truly encapsulates the spirit of all that is great about this wonderful franchise. It obviously had a strong impact on the Sony marketing team, as my phone hasn’t stopped ringing since I scrawled it on a cocktail napkin after three whole minutes of brainstorming. If I ever return one of those calls, I’ll be sure to wish Kevin Butler a hearty “You’re welcome.”

So enjoy Copernicus Qwark’s Awesomely Epic 3D Adventure through Time and Space. Revel in the splendor of a third D, courtesy of your favorite superhero. For this will be the crown jewel in my long and illustrious career. Finally, my friends, it’s Qwark’s time!

Copernicus L. Qwark

//Add Your Own


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+ Kingjing22 on April 1st, 2011 at 10:26 am said:

FINALLY!! my Crotchetizer has just been sitting next to my PS3 gathering dust for the past six months. why the hell is Insomniac the first company to incorporate this thing? And why does it look like a blendersafsDSK0LXEW WTW7 Gsd hgfjihkg tfyhj


+ beam1249 on April 1st, 2011 at 10:35 am said:

I wish this were real, this is a much better title than All 4 One and the boxart is pretty sweet as well.


+ MEATLOAF2 on April 1st, 2011 at 11:01 am said:

Nicely done… nicely done.


+ manzoor47 on April 1st, 2011 at 11:06 am said:

thank you Mr.President :).


+ Kchow23 on April 1st, 2011 at 11:33 am said:

best box art EVER!


+ billyjimbob on April 1st, 2011 at 11:40 am said:

Good to know you guys still have a sense of humor and please make that the official box art I love it. :D


+ FORMIK on April 1st, 2011 at 11:41 am said:

The 1/2 player is for those that play as Clank, silly people.


+ zekececil14 on April 1st, 2011 at 12:03 pm said:

Im confused. Is this an APRIL FOOLS joke, or is it a sweet minigame like My Blaster Runs Hot?


+ zekececil14 on April 1st, 2011 at 12:08 pm said:

Make this a poster like in the original Ratchet and Clank. Which still proudly hangs on my wall.


+ Elsa on April 1st, 2011 at 12:09 pm said:

I love you Captain Qwark! I want to have your babies! :)


+ thrawn3d on April 1st, 2011 at 12:33 pm said:



+ Permafry_42 on April 1st, 2011 at 12:45 pm said:

hells yeah!


+ Frulond on April 1st, 2011 at 1:07 pm said:

Most of the time Qwark reminds me of KB XD


+ chouji2 on April 1st, 2011 at 1:07 pm said:

A bunch of games come with alternate cover art on the inside of the package. they should totally do that with this so that we can use this way better cover if we want.


+ station3fever on April 1st, 2011 at 1:14 pm said:

cool, it supports 3 and a half players. thats great since 1 of my friends is a half lol.


+ angelspawn77 on April 1st, 2011 at 1:29 pm said:

I thought it was real at first, but then I read the article and realized he was just talking about All 4 One and then after reading the comments I remembered it is april 1st. That cover should definitely be an alternate, that cover is pretty awesome!


+ Kirkpad on April 1st, 2011 at 1:40 pm said:

Funny, I almost thought this was real because it’s something I would buy.


+ MakoSOLIDER on April 1st, 2011 at 2:11 pm said:

Great April Fools joke!


+ ioanina on April 1st, 2011 at 2:13 pm said:

Ha ha ha! Nice try, President Copernicus Qwark! You ain’t foolin’ me. No offense, but I only see the real truth, and everybody knows you’re in All 4 One, not your silly made up game! Well, mostly everybody. Despite your foolish attempts on April Fools Day, you know that your jokes will never be taken seriously, not even on April Fools Day. Though, I am looking forward to your inevitable encounter with Dr. Nefarious. I thought for sure Ratchet and Clank finally defeated and destroyed him once and for all, but I strangely knew he would always find a way to return. BTW, if it were offically real, I would have been petrified. Sorry, but try to work on your material next year.


+ thecreekman on April 1st, 2011 at 3:25 pm said:

can’t wait for this game


+ ClassicSpyroFan on April 1st, 2011 at 3:52 pm said:

HA HA HA HA HA Good one!! But I would still buy it if that was what it was called. That cover is cool also, even if its on lined paper, drawn in crayon, and has stickers all over it.


+ wolfzero1 on April 1st, 2011 at 4:02 pm said:

about time Qwark got his due, hopefully it’ll have a collector’s edition with a Qwark figurine


+ juanpipe on April 1st, 2011 at 6:00 pm said:

My God, Quark, what have you done to Ted?! But oh well, it’s all for better.


+ Feisar on April 1st, 2011 at 7:40 pm said:

You guys have to print this on the reverse of the cover so we can actually use it once we buy the game!


+ mobster3432 on April 1st, 2011 at 8:21 pm said:

Im a first timer


+ jimmyfoxhound on April 1st, 2011 at 9:06 pm said:

Make that a Limited Edition cover PLEASE! lol


+ Wozman23 on April 1st, 2011 at 10:15 pm said:

Awesome! Finally a game where I can sit down and play with the cast of Two and a Half Men!


+ BalramRules on April 2nd, 2011 at 6:31 am said:

april foolz iz soo luvly x))
loool, captain qwuak, i hate ratchet 2oo!!!
but da fing iz, if u h8 ratchet, u won’t kno jak bout who diz guy iz.
secondly, if u dnt h8 ratchet, u wont take hiz side, and perhapz hav good gamin taste, and wont buy diz game lool x)

only kiddin ;P
diz game soundz EPIC!!! :D


+ YungShep on April 2nd, 2011 at 9:46 am said:

1 word..EPIC! LOL sign me up


+ YungShep on April 2nd, 2011 at 9:47 am said:

LOL @ 58!!!!


+ Shocking4U on April 2nd, 2011 at 10:30 am said:

please tell me this is the final box art. if not please make a collectors edition with this as the box art. it is to awesome to be an april fools joke


+ LordRaymond on April 2nd, 2011 at 11:02 am said:

Yay Quark on the cover.


+ Destiny89 on April 2nd, 2011 at 1:45 pm said:

I want this game!


+ SephyRocks88 on April 2nd, 2011 at 3:28 pm said:

Oh-Yeah!! Ready to party hard on this game with 2 1/2 of my friends :P


+ BloodArm on April 3rd, 2011 at 8:50 am said:

I would buy it! I support you!


+ Lucky13X on April 3rd, 2011 at 11:58 pm said:

This is great. You should consider makign this a game like others have suggested.


+ xbskid on April 4th, 2011 at 12:38 am said:

This should be on the inside of the BD-ROM case slip so fans can just reverse it for the Qwark version.

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