As I sit here in my presidential compound, sipping a grubsnucker daiquiri and watching reruns of Unicop (now available for purchase on my holo-net site), I can’t help but reminisce about my rise to Galactic President of the Polaris Galaxy. Sure, some might say I was a bit callous in my ascension, but homicidal planet thieves aside, I think the whole thing went off without a hitch. The galaxy is safe, unemployment is at an all-time low, and my approval rating has never been… well, the galaxy is safe.
This era of awesomeness does come with some bad news, I’m afraid. It was brought to my attention that Insomniac Games decided to name my upcoming adventure Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One. When my agent finally returned my call and informed me that I had once again been excluded from the title, I was enraged. Not for myself, mind you – after all, what am I if not humble? No, my fellow citizen, I was enraged for you. How many years have you waited with bated breath for Captain Qwark to get top billing? How many times have you thrown your arms into the sky and called out “When is it going to be Qwark’s time?!”
Enraged by this injustice, I took my plight directly to planet Earth.